My Mother's Story
I created a website to help women find menopause resources.
Why?
Because my mother shared her menopause experience with me, and NO WOMAN should feel they have to endure something like this. EVERY WOMAN should feel empowered to do something about their symptoms and feel SUPPORTED and SEEN and HEARD.
Menopause is a HUGE DEAL that is too often dismissed. If anyone dismisses your menopause symptoms, they do not deserve your time or attention.
My mother is now 68. This is her story:
I was 45 years old when my periods ended. I was happy not to have periods anymore and I didn’t have any of the off and on spotting I had heard about. I just stopped and that was it. I didn’t realize at the time that menopause was happening. Being quite healthy, I didn’t have a doctor. So, in my busyness, I didn’t take time to go to a doctor. I felt fine physically, but emotionally I was feeling more upset and angrier about everything. About life. I didn’t know that menopause could affect those things.
When I went through menopause my life was a bit chaotic. It’s difficult for me to pinpoint what was happening to my body because of all the things that were taking my attention during that time. I was busy with the many things that 4 teenagers can bring into a mother’s life, but the biggest thing was that we were moving to a place I did not want to go. And I was doing most of the moving by myself. I felt like I was getting more and more depressed.
I had a long time habit of exercising every day, which I continued. I truly believe that exercising and having something consistent and in my control helped save me. The deep emotional trauma, however, sunk in hard and fast. I developed many bad habits over those years that have become nearly impossible to break.
I started having trouble sleeping, which I had never had before. I couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep. I woke up in the mornings with a sore neck. I tried different pillows, different positions, sleeping on the floor, sleeping sitting up, taking Ibuprofen.
Nothing helped.
I struggled with that for many years. All my stress went straight to the back of my neck. My neck muscles got so tight I could barely turn my head from side to side. I was experiencing hot flashes, but they were not consistent. After a few years, I had hot flashes only once in a while and I just felt hot most of the time. I got acid indigestion (heartburn) that lasted about a year.
I was very moody. I felt I had no purpose in life. I also started having lots of dental problems. I have always had a healthy mouth and few problems. Suddenly I was having all kinds of problems leading to root canals, crowns, receding gums, and tooth extractions!
We were living in a small house next to a house that we were doing major remodeling on, the one we would eventually move into. My husband had his own business and was gone to work long hours every day. I worked hard all day every day on our house and property. I resented him. He loved it there and was gone all the time. I hated it there, but I was always there working like a man, building fence, taking care of all the animals, doing lots of the building on the house and most of the finish work, doing lots of the maintenance and repairs. I cried often while I worked. I wanted to be baking cookies for my grandchildren and sewing doll clothes and working in a garden.
When I went running, I would think about how unfair my life was. I would get angry and cry and think about leaving. Where would I go? My children would sometimes comment on how they thought my running along a highway was not a good idea, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I got hit by a car or anything. In fact, thoughts of accidents and suicide and divorce occupied my mind often. None of those things ever came to be, but the depressing thoughts were there for several years.
I often wondered if I should be taking something to help balance my hormones or something. I heard other women talk about menopause a little bit, but, sadly, I was uninformed about it and knew very little about what to expect and watch for. Had I known more I would have been more motivated to do something.
About a year after my periods stopped, I got very sick with a cold that turned into sinus infection, fever, coughing, congestion, an achy body, and sleepless nights. It lasted over a month! And the cough lasted for several months! I couldn’t believe I was so sick for that long. I had never been sick for that long. I was so depressed about everything. I believed that all the terrible things that happened to me and the way I felt were all my own fault. I hated myself every day. I would cry and beg God to make me a better person and a better wife and help me find happiness. I felt so miserable. Most of the time I just wanted to be alone. That was usually pretty easy because we lived far from town in the mountains. I had no one to talk with. I thought many times about finding a therapist, but I didn’t make it happen. I didn’t want anyone to know what a “basket case” I was. I tried to hide my feelings. I suffered alone. I know my family noticed a difference, but I think they thought I was just turning into a witch. Lots of people were afraid of me.
I regret not being better informed and not seeking help. The road is long and hard. I know now that perimenopause can begin years before your last period and that post menopause is the rest of your life. My mental state at the time and bad habits, like hating myself and telling myself I was no good for so many years, have scarred me for life. It has been 23 years since my last period. I finally jumped off the roller coaster I’d been living on and in the last 5 years I’ve been seeking the help I should have looked for long ago. I gained new hope. Prevention and attention should have been priorities. I could have saved myself much suffering. I hope my confessions help someone in some way, if only to motivate someone to get help managing menopause.
